After an extremely impressive streak with YA Thrillers (Find Me & Dead Girls Don’t Lie are two of my favorite 2013 releases!) I was feeling pretty confident about Poor Little Dead Girls. A boarding school’s secret society has ties to the deaths of two girls – what’s not to love?
Unfortunately, Poor Little Dead Girls spectacularly crushed every single expectation I had, including the hope of actually finishing (spoiler alert: I did, but it was a fight on both our parts).
Sadie is a star lacrosse player on her high school team back home in Portland. When she receives a scholarship from the elite Keating Hall – students of the school are all but guaranteed acceptance to Ivy League universities – she doesn’t hesitate for a second. She quickly becomes fast friends with Jessica (seemingly the only other student who isn’t uber wealthy) and her royal roommates. After their hard partying habits brought shame upon Britain’s royal family, Trix & Gwen were shipped off to America where they’ll hopefully stay out of the public eye. Don’t worry about getting to know these two though – their presence is only acknowledged in passing and piles of dirty laundry until the very end when Friend pulls out the shocker: Gwen is into girls! Really now? Gwen’s sexuality added nothing to the story, particularly since it came about at the very end, and felt tacked on simply to bring some sort of life to an otherwise dead story.
In the very (and I mean very) beginning, things looked promising. Sure, the characters were little more than stock personalities (particularly the Mean Girls), but that was something I could live with. Within a few chapters, however, I realized this book and I weren’t going to become bosom buddies. Chapter 6 – an entire chapter – was devoted to discussing all the ~hot boys~ on the football team. An. Entire. Chapter. Also – and this should come as NO surprise – it is in this chapter that Sadie falls head-over-heels for a boy she has yet to speak to, and when she finally does, this is the conversation they have:
“Is yours [a test] on Monday?”
SWOON. When Jeremy turns to walk back to his own school, Sadie’s stomach was ‘now flipping around like a kid three doses behind on his Ritalin.’ I suppose I could overlook this if the scene took place in the middle of the day after a class or something. Instead, this happened in the middle of the night after Sadie had been chased. Ain’t no thang though – she simply forgets all about that now that there’s a SUPER HOT BOY!!
Once Jeremy shows up, classes are no longer a priority. Instead, she obsesses over his jawline (“A part of her – the same part that led her subconscious through the same cheesy dreamscape every night – wanted to lean in and lick it“). Riveting stuff, guys.
But, Leah, I thought this was a murder mystery I hear you say. Turns out there’s a SOOPER SEKRET SOCIETY. More than once Sadie wakes to find bruises on her body and doesn’t think anything of it. Later – much, much later – we discover she was being drugged and kidnapped this entire time. Those bruises are from having her blood taken and analyzed to prove she’s ~worthy~ and of course she passes. Believe it or not, here’s where the crazy comes in. This society is two hundred years old – Thomas Jefferson founded it. Its members are among the richest people in the world and they plan on creating a new world power. Sadie’s mother (who had died when Sadie was a child) was a part of this group although she broke all ties with them and her family to marry Sadie’s father (see, to make sure genetics are pure, the society arranges marriages for its members). The other girl who had died at the school was also in the society – and also related to Sadie. At one point its revealed SADIE’S EGGS WERE HARVESTED. Just in case Sadie were to die or run away, another heir could be created.
Poor Little Dead Girls tried to pack WAY too much into a tiny story. There were multiple story lines that were introduced and went nowhere: Sadie witnessed a rape and shrugged it off like it was nothing and a fellow student (and one of Sadie’s friends!) was being beat by her boyfriend but he’s hot so it’s okay. There was no consistency or coherency to be found and all of the action happened off-screen: “An hour later she finally stopped talking [explaining basically the entire plot to Jeremy – but not the reader]” “The next three hours were so much fun she started to get nervous.”
The author couldn’t even get the ending right. Sadie receives hush money ($1M is all this group could come up with? These are supposed to be the richest families in the world.) and begins applying to college with her bestie Jessica and looks forward to spending more time with Jeremy. …and that’s it. There isn’t any kind of resolution or closure. Much like with the rest of the story, Sadie shrugs it off, leaving a very unsatisfied reader.
Other readers have mentioned Friend at least succeeded in nailing the voice of these girls, but I have to disagree. Instead of calling each other by, you know, their names, Sadie and her friends refer to one another as hooker, skank, hobag, etc. Yeah, I’ve never called my friends any of those. This name-calling caused some serious eyebrow-raising once the rape & abusive boyfriend plots were introduced.
Poor Little Dead Girls isn’t a book I would force upon anyone. Trust me on this: stay as far away from this book as you possibly can. I SUFFERED SO YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO.